


The Bigger the Word, the Louder the Scream

by Emachinescat



Series: Sesquipedalian [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-11
Updated: 2011-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1237519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emachinescat/pseuds/Emachinescat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, n.<br/>(HIH-puh-PAH-tuh-MAHN-struh-SEHS-kwu-puh-DAY-lee-uh-FOH-bee-uh)<br/>A fear of long words</p><p>Morgana casts a spell on Uther that causes him to be terrified of words with more than two syllables.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bigger the Word, the Louder the Scream

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own, entertainment purposes only. 
> 
> Enjoy. :)

Morgana stood over the ornate, four-poster bed, grinning ear-to-ear as she held the glowing stone over the head of her guardian, King Uther Pendragon. She had been down since having returned to Camelot and although their last plan had failed, she and her sister, Morgause, had come up with a new one.

Now, this plan wasn't anything particularly malicious or even dangerous. Not really. But Morgause and her little friend Cenred were off scheming while Morgana was stuck in Camelot, so Morgause had given the small, light purple stone to Morgana the last time they had met up in the woods. It wouldn't cause any lasting damage and would more than likely wear off in a few days, but it would at least give Morgana some measure of entertainment while she was waiting for a new, more  _sinister_ plan to unfold.

Smirking – she tended to smirk a lot, lately – she whispered, " _H_ _élade c_ _ásusas_ _ábarian Uther_ _ácol_ ," barely managing to keep from bursting out into giggles as she did so. She could hardly  _wait_ until the next day, when she knew that she, along with everyone in the royal court, would get to witness the effects of her magic.

It was going to be brilliant.

* * *

Uther woke up feeling rather odd. He wasn't sure what it was, but there was this weird… sensation that seemed to be hovering over him. He had no idea if he was imagining it or if there was indeed some sort of aura of strangeness floating around him, just waiting to take hold. He shook his head off at the odd thought and pushed it out of his slightly befuddled mind. He had many meetings with the council today but planned to begin his day with breakfast with his son, Prince Arthur and oh-so-very-loving-and-not-scheming-in-the-slightest ward, Morgana.

His servant, a tall, rather spindly middle-aged man named Norton knocked on the door and eased into the bedroom. He looked nervous about being in the king's presence even though he had been working for Uther for nearly four years. That was the way the king liked it though. He kept his servants on their toes, unlike his son, who seemed to have become rather close to his servant. Melvin? Marlin? Ralph? Or was it something more exotic, like Jethro? Or maybe Colin? Honestly, Uther couldn't remember and didn't really care to. The boy got on his nerves, always right by his son's side, behaving like he was close to Arthur, closer than society would allow.

Arthur wasn't supposed to be friends with his servants and servants weren't supposed to be friends with their masters. That was something he intended to bring up to his son after breakfast this morning. He had been meaning to talk to Arthur about it for a while now but hadn't gotten around to it. Norton's rather nervous behavior had reminded him and he made a mental note to bring up the subject of Melvin – he was pretty sure it was Melvin – later on.

"My Lord," Norton said, bowing deeply. "I was told by the kitchen staff that you are planning on having breakfast with Prince Arthur and Morgana in your throne roo…" He trailed off looking completely bewildered as he witnessed the strangest thing he had ever seen his king do. It was almost as drastic as when he had somehow become enchanted by a mandrake root to think his dead wife was in a well – and that had been totally unnerving.

Uther's face went completely white and his eyes developed a faraway gaze. He opened his mouth and let out a scared little whimper. "My Lord?" Norton asked hesitantly. "Are you alright?"

Uther could barely hear his servant over the raw terror, irrational as it was, coursing through his entire being at the man's words.  _Morgana._  He wasn't afraid of his ward, no. But of the sheer  _size_  of her name. Mor-ga-na. He shuddered. Dreadful, absolutely terrifying.

* * *

Arthur sat across from his father and next to Morgana at the large dining room table, covered with a vast array of luxurious foods. Merlin was standing against the wall, head tilted down, hands clasped behind his back, the picture of the perfect servant – but Arthur knew better. Merlin was a bumbling, annoying idiot who also happened to be an extremely powerful, insanely loyal warlock who spent his time protecting Arthur and the kingdom from magical threats. His father's servant, Norton, stood against the other wall. Arthur was baffled to see the middle aged man casting concerned glances at Uther every so often. It was odd – normally Norton was the still, calm, obedient servant and  _Mer_ lin was the twitchy one.

Arthur glanced at Morgana to see if she had noticed anything out of the ordinary and realized that she seemed to be smirking. She did that a lot lately – funnily enough, Arthur hadn't noticed until  _after_ Merlin had informed him that she was his evil half sister. Now, every time he looked at her she was smirking and it was grinding on his nerves! It was so difficult to pretend like nothing was wrong, like her pretty face wasn't twisted in a sinister smile every single second of the day. He wondered briefly if she had spit in Uther's food. The way she was smirking suggested that she wasn't up to something evil, just ludicrously amusing. He wondered what that could be.

Taking a bite of cheese, Arthur said to his father, "I was thinking about going hunting later, Father." He could almost feel Merlin's despair at the news – Merlin  _hated_ hunting. Which was one of the main reasons Arthur had decided to go. Just because Merlin was an all-powerful warlock with a great destiny didn't mean he could weasel himself out of his duties. He couldn't do anything about it or get revenge by turning Arthur into a toad or something – Uther would probably notice if his son was four inches tall, green, and covered with warts and slime. Probably.

Then again, he was looking rather distracted this morning so he might not have noticed if Merlin did magic right there in front of him – not that it would be something Arthur would want to test, mind you. As obnoxious as Merlin could be, he much preferred his friend's head to stay  _on_  his shoulders, thank you very much.

Uther nodded distractedly. "Fine, fine," he agreed, waving hand dismissively.

Arthur frowned and Morgana bit her lip. "Are you feeling well, Father?"

Uther's eyes darted around nervously. "Yes."

"Perhaps the court physician should—"

"NO!" Uther all but shrieked, leaping from his seat and to his feet, eyes wild with raging fear and visibly shaking. Tears glistened in his eyes. "Please no, make it stop… so big… so… BIG!" He looked like he might faint.

Arthur, too, stood and traded a confused and worried glance with Merlin even while making his way to his father's side. Merlin narrowed his eyes and cast a quick, imperceptible eye twitch Morgana's direction. Arthur nodded just as discreetly. "Father, what's wrong? And what are you talking about?"

Morgana jumped up, every bit of her the loving, concerned ward but Arthur and Merlin knew better. " _Whatever_ could be  _affecting_  you so  _drastically_ , my lord?" she asked, eyebrows raised high.

Uther trembled. "Make it stop!" he squeaked. "So large… I can't… big…" He started hyperventilating. "So terrifying—AHHH! Now  _I'm_  doing it. Arthur, Arthur you have to make it stop. Make it go away –  _please!_ " Uther was clinging onto Arthur's shirt, begging Arthur to stop something – something that scared him terribly. Arthur had only seen his father like this when Morgana had put the mandrake root under his bed. What was going on now?

Morgana also went to Uther's side as both Merlin and Norton hurried forward to try and help calm the king. "This is such  _immensely_ and  _unnervingly outlandish behavior_ , Uther  _Pendragon_! Please you are  _petrifying_ me with your  _absolutely_   _uncharacteristic_ actions!  _Whatever_ can I, your humble ward  _Morgana_ , do to ease your _suffering_?" Arthur stared at Morgana's elaborate speech but forgot her when Uther broke free of them and started rampaging around the throne room, running in circles like some sort of wild beast was chasing him.

"Merlin!" Arthur bellowed as he dropped all pretenses that this was anything he could handle and tackled his panicking father head on. "Go and get Gaius and go extremely quickl—AAH!" he squawked as Uther threw him off, eyes wide and crazed with unbridled fear. "Fetch some knights to subdue him too!" Merlin dipped his head and darted off.

"STOOOOP!" the king howled.

Morgana smirked openly. "Arthur, what are we going to do? There is something  _TREMENDOUSLY_ ," she yelled the last word, " _afflicting_ him!"

Arthur spun on her. "Will you  _stop_ talking so elaborately!" he snapped. "This is getting ridiculous! I don't know why you're blathering on like you're some sort of scholar, but it's annoying and NOT HELPING HIM!" Little did he know, Arthur just made the situation that much worse.

Morgana rolled her eyes. "You're so  _obnoxious_ , Arthur. Don't be so  _arrogant_. It's  _exhausting!_ "

Arthur fought to keep Uther from leaping out of the window and snarled at his evil sister, "GET OUT!"

Morgana, genuinely shocked, snapped back, "Excuse me?"

Uther was panting and mumbling under his breath, trying to claw his way to his feet in terror and Arthur lunged at him again, sitting on him. The way his father thrashed around, it was like Arthur was riding a horse that had just gotten stung by a bee – not pleasant. "You could get seriously –" Uther screamed again, "—hurt or traumatized—" Uther made a noise halfway between a scream and a snort, "—or something equally—" Uther almost knocked  _Arthur_ out the window, "horrific." He let out a yell as Uther broke free and threw his son against the wall in a mindless rampage. He was completely out of control.

Morgana glared but nodded. "Of course. Looks like you're  _handling_  things just  _exquisitely_ , Arthur." She flounced out of the room, Uther's fit blaring out behind her, just as some guards, Merlin, and Gaius rushed toward the throne room. She sent a nasty glare Merlin's way, nodded pleasantly at Gaius, and went on her way, the laughter bubbling out of her like mad. This had been the greatest day she had had in a long, long time!

In the throne room, it took five knights to restrain Uther while Gaius examined him. All was quiet as he did so and Uther began to calm dramatically. Finally Gaius announced, "Something is making him scared – very scared. Was there anything," Uther started to panic, "that seemed to trigger the outbursts?"

Merlin spoke up for the first time. "You know, Morgana—" Uther curled in a ball and rocked back and forth, "kept talking weird, really fancy. And every time she would say a big… word…" He grinned. "That's it! Arthur, your father is afraid of big words!"

Arthur scoffed. "No, he's not! He uses them all the time. See, watch!" He paused. "Supercilious. Rudimentary. Insufferable. Irrevocably. Spontaneous. Logodaedaly. Cantankerous. Cadaverous." As he spouted off the words, Uther's face grew paler and paler and his shaking grew more erratic.

"Arthur, STOP!" Merlin yelled out. "Don't you see – he's about to snap again?"

Arthur stared, feeling guilty. "You mean… he  _is_ afraid of big words?"

Gaius nodded. "Three syllables – sorry Sire – or more, I'd say. He's been enchanted – oops, again, I'm very sorry, Uther, it's alright, you're safe – and has a terrible – oh, dear, my large vocabulary – sorry again – is causing him more pain! I suppose that's what I get for being so intelligent – drat!"

"Maybe we should all be very,  _very_ quiet," Sir Leon, who had been watching the scene with wide eyes, suggested.

"What does he have, Gaius?" Arthur demanded, ignoring the knight.

"I shouldn't—" Gaius insisted, casting a worried gaze at his King, but Arthur fixed him with a glare. "Can't we talk about this later, Sire? The enchant—er,  _spell_  that was used will wear off in a few days so the effects aren't lasting. I fear if I tell you here and now…"

"Gaius, now," Arthur demanded, eyes worried as he gazed at his father.

Merlin winced. "Arthur, maybe we should…"

"Shut up,  _Mer_ lin. Well?"

Gaius sighed and said in a monotone voice, "Hippopoto-monstroses-quipedalio-phobia."

Uther's eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped into a dead faint. Arthur rushed to his father's side and Merlin glared at his master. "Way to go, Arthur."

Arthur glared, even as he ordered the guards to take Uther back to his chambers and keep him bedridden until he no longer so much as  _twitched_ when a large word was said. "Merlin? Shut. Up."


End file.
